Thursday, March 01, 2012

DOG NAMED BLUE has written Big Hallucination

"When I was a child, '79 '80 '81, it was safer to wander the streets of a suburb of Bolton than it was to be at home.

I would hide out anywhere that was dry out of the rain and snow - old buildings powerunits half built houses - because I feared that he would kill me if I was at home.

There were no friends to hide out with until it was time to go home ... leaving it until the last seconds to run inside & upstairs to bed.

I'd spent the last four years praying to god fanatically but had given up believing in a god that would let this happen to me.

I ran away to kill myself at sixteen but I made my grandmother cry.

I'd never seen her cry and felt so ashamed that I had done so.

Instead I hid in her airing cupboard for six months only coming out at night when it was safe."

And, one of my turns...

"When your husband used to be beating me to death, he used to say things to me.

"He told me how none of my family cared about me.

"How they wouldn’t help me...

"This woman who gave birth to me agreed with everything her husband was doing to me
supporting him in everything.

"It was all I've ever known for all my life.

"How could I have known what he was doing to you too?...

"From the age of 9 I believed he was going to murder me...

"You then abandoned me and made me homeless...

"I had to break in to the shed in the graveyard to have somewhere dry to sleep.

"I never saw you for 4 years I never saw my sister for 6 years..."


dognamedblue said...

when I went to the police I had 7 pages of a4, there was more but I decided to only put down the stuff I knew a lawyer couldn't worm his way out of
I looked for a copy on my mac to let you read, if I should be honest with anyone it would be you after all the work you've done
but I couldn't find one, I wrote it out by hand & the police have the only copy
I told my mum she wasn't to make anything up, just tell her truth & not to lie, I told her we didn't have to talk about it, so as not to cause any confusion
after we'd been interviewed by the police, a couple of months later I found out from my mum that he was also a wife beater, the most shocking incident she told me about was how she was pregnant & he used to beat her up "you will have this abortion whether you like it or not" this was the first time she'd told anyone, other than the police, seems I'm not the only one he used to enjoy throwing down the stairs
she also told me about the things she remember him doing to me, the first one she told me about was how he had me pinned up against the wall by my throat & was punching me
the worst thing is I don't remember it, I don't mean it was a case of "oh I'd forgotten about that" I just have no memory of it at all & there were others that she told me of that I don't have any memory of
I've spent all my life going over it all again & again so I would never forget anything & now I find that for some of it my mind is blank, I have to stop myself as I find I worry about what else I don't remember & what else he might have done

Anon said...

Many thanks for the comment.

People need to be more aware of the problem of child abuse.

- Aangirfan

Anonymous said...

Hey, dognamedblue

Although many people do not worry, there are still people who care and worry and try to warn the first.

I live in the other side of your location, but my heart is with you, as is the weak and oppressed.

Do not lose your faith in God, because in the end, Justice will gonna be made, this life is a second compared to eternity.

A hug

A13 said...

Loving and healing Vibes to DNB and all others who have suffered any kind of abuse and trauma , including those that have been traumatised by adoption as i have.
Healing, support and strength to you all, and thanks to Aangirfan as well for keeping this awareness up..

Site Meter